Priceless...

A good friend posted this at a board I visit and omg it was to funny to let get past me so have to share this with you so the laughter keeps rolling..

Subject: LIZARD BIRTHING If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD! Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious Dad, can you help?" I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!" "Oh my! Gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged "Hey, how can that be? I t thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife. "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" She inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!) "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together). "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed. "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me. (again with the sarcasm... you think?) By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience", I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth" "Oh, gross!" they shrieked. "Well, isn't T HAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?) We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged. "Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results. "Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?) "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don 't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing,but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.) The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically. "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. And Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked. "Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us.. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen ... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um...masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's jus t...just... Excited." my wife offered. "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face, laughing..."It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more. "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly bundled he lizards and our son back into the car. "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me. "Oh, you have NO idea,". Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter. 2 - Lizards - $140... 1 - Cage - $50... Trip to the Vet - $30... Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie.....Priceless Moral of the story - finish biology class - lizards lay eggs!
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my sides hurt I laughed so hard.. thanks O&W for shareing ..

I guess.....

I need to learn how to talk better .. dunno its stupid how trying to give an honest complement could give me the case of funk I find my self in .. I was trying to say I liked her for her outlook and the fact she was nice to know but she said I was talking "down " to her like she was stupid .. That wasn't my intent but she took it that way... and it firkin bothered me that I couldn't even do one thing right with these people .. is there a special way to give a complement to some one? The lady is funny interesting and has lots of qualities I admire in a person and she said I was talking down to her .. that's really stupid .. now that I think about it I should realize that women don't do complements well they are afraid to accept them.. I wasn't trying to pander to this woman I was trying to say thanks for being yourself but my bad she took the wrong way.. yeh I got put in my place .. guess my shit don't stink good enough yanno .. .. just sad really that this happens but as I sit here thinking and blogging I realize we do lose people skills when we "live" on the Internet .. is it because we don't have the body language to take our cues from or the eyes to watch as we talk? I dunno, how much do others read folks like that for cues in how they react to us & I do miss that bit of extra in my daily interchanges on line .. I loved the fact that with a vid camera I could have that ..but seems most folks are afraid to use them..why ? We used to sit down and enjoy having coffee or such in each others homes .. how is this camera thing any different? Is it the distances or the fact we really don't know each other? making friends takes effort it usually starts with a complement and a laugh .. only I guess I need to learn how to do that better yanno? I don't know; really I am just bummed is all.
Anyone want to teach me the art of talking better to others ?